Last year we held a contest to find the best funny 50th birthday poem, here's a selection of the entries...
by Derek Ward
(stratton, cornwall, england)
IF YOU GET A CHOCOLATE MUFFIN,
AND IMPALE IT, ON A STICK,
YOU CAN JUST FIT FIFTY CANDLES,
THEN YOU HAVE TO LIGHT THEM, QUICK!
APART FROM GETTING BURNED EIGHT TIMES,
I GUESS THE SADDEST FACT,
IS THAT YOU NEVER GET TO EAT IT,
COS’ IT ENDS UP COVERED IN WAX!
by Deryn Pittar
I look at my hands, liver spotted, blue veined
and muse on the taste of the cheese by that name.
I ponder and think of one thing and another
and the face in the mirror that looks like my mother
I go to Tai Chi for balance and hope
I don't get Alzheimer's and try to elope
with the neighbour's hubby who tidies my garden,
(he says it will help stop his arteries harden)
I don't need home help, I can still climb a ladder
the heart's a bit "dickey" and so is the bladder.
If this is old age then it's pretty good value
so pour me a wine and pass the Sudoku
by Kayla Metoxen
(Green Bay, WI, USA)
Turning 5-0 is nothing to fear!
It all goes downhill from here.
You'll soak your teeth next to your bed
You'll thin out atop your head
You'll slow down and hate loud things.
Your underarms will look like wings.
You'll never have to wait in line.
You'll even make a Tom Jones shrine!
Happy half a hundred! Happy Half a lifetime!
There was a young man of 50,
Who had always been rather thrifty,
Now with penny's to spare, and a gift to share,
He's happily retired, and drinking whisky!
by Sandy Stert Benjamin
(Los Angeles, CA, USA)
It's not very young
nor is it old.
It's just in the middle
or so we are told.
Still, I am younger
and so thrilled to be,
I’m glad you are 50
and that it’s not me!
by Helena Angell
(St. Augustine, FL USA)
“Wow – 50,” he thought.
Guess I ought
Not be too sad
No, I should be glad!
For I still have
my health, my smarts and my teeth!
I can still play, think well and eat!!!
Oh, wish for youth
So free and strong?
Hmmm…NO, better to
Be “in the now”
Where I belong!
by Joe Massingham
Life is just three score years and ten
or so the good book says,
so now you've got to two and ten
you'll need to count the days
until you get to the moment when
you'll either have to offer prayers
or start all over again,
ignoring the startled stares
of old pals who can't unbend.
another funny 50th birthday poem by Heather Spiva
(Sacramento, CA )
I bet you never thought 50 would come,
on your doorstep like a ghost of the future.
Yet it?s arrived, and just like a bad dream,
it beckons you over the hill (like an aging loser).
But, the uphills climb's done, now you're treading the top,
and the top means you're done age-fighting.
And when all your friends are climbing up the same hill,
you'll be flying your way back down it!
Happy birthday, hill-climber.
Another funny 50th birthday poem by Kathy J. Rabon
(Longs, SC, USA)
Fifty years have come and gone
since the day that you were born.
Half a century, or five decades,
is the amount of time that it equates.
Yet no matter how much has changed,
the math remains the same.
But why worry about the amount of the number
when you cannot ever be a second younger?
For no one can subtract years or time.
In fact, they will keep on multiplying.
Understand that each year that you live,
you and the world have been given a gift.
And for this, we should celebrate.
So I'll begin by saying "Happy Birthday!"
by Andrew Kinnear
You went to the doctor,
the day before the day
He told you of your health,
and said you were going
Half a century later,
You look back to that equator;
"A hundred I have turned,
no need to have been concerned"
(about your blood pressure).
Happy Birthday..you are 50!
Isn't that so very nifty?
Half a century has gone by.
Since you were a gleam in your daddy's eye.
Hope the next 50 years are grand
Before the good Lord takes you by the hand
and leads you to the promised land!
Big and bold,
The age it seems is old,
many people don't get there,
so with you we want to share,
that you are there,
Go on wear the 50 badge I dare...YOU
A Funny 50th Birthday Poem by Rob Proietti
(Scunthorpe, North Lincolnshire, United Kingdom)
Half a decade,
…and still no hearing aid.
No broken hips or broken shoulder blades.
Just another chapter for a few more of life’s crusades.
So without any further delay,
by stacie williams
Go 50 GO
Your on your way
Dont stop to play
and dont waste your day
your almost there
by Richard Schiffman
The calendar has been spreading unfounded rumors:
it alleges that I was born on such and such a day in May;
it calculates that I have been kicking around
for blankety blank years now. I say, don’t believe all
the blankety blank you hear. Somebody has been lugging
my name about, that’s clear. When I spot him
in the mirror, I blabber out-- that’s me! But the mirror
is a trickster, and I don’t trust what I see.
Nor what I say, which-- when all is said and done--
is nothing more veracious than the wagging of a tongue.
The mind is hardly wiser, though it thinks it thinks
my thoughts. The thoughts it thinks are thoughtless,
and that makes the thinker naught. As for friends who’ve
called today to wish me happy birthday-- it would be
rude to disagree. But the birthday boy that’s happy
is rejoicing in mortality. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy,
just as happy as can be. Yet the Buddha bids me
ponder whether what can be is me.
I hope you found a funny 50th birthday poem to suit your needs. If you liked this page please feel free to leave a comment below...or even add your own funny 50th birthday poem...